


mess

by ohyodubs



Category: TWICE (Band)
Genre: Angst, F/F, other ships are side ships, this is messy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-11
Updated: 2021-01-11
Packaged: 2021-03-15 15:54:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,387
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28691292
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ohyodubs/pseuds/ohyodubs
Summary: nayeon doesn't know why she still feels something.'cause it's been 4 damn years and she still regrets breaking jihyo's heart.
Relationships: Chou Tzuyu/Son Chaeyoung, Hirai Momo/Kim Dahyun, Im Nayeon/Park Jisoo | Jihyo, Kang Seulgi/Yoo Jeongyeon, Minatozaki Sana/Myoui Mina
Kudos: 22





	mess

**Author's Note:**

> :D

-

nayeon doesn't know why she still feels something. 

'cause it's been 4 damn years ever since she last saw her. her heart isn't supposed to pound this much. her hands aren't supposed to twitch attempting to reach out. her eyes shouldn't be fixed on jihyo.

'cause it's been 4 damn years and she still regrets breaking jihyo's heart.

"nayeon? earth to nayeon?"

it's not until momo shakes her back to her senses that she releases the breath she didn’t know she's been holding ever since a certain someone entered the function room.

"did you know she was going to be here?"

"what? who?"

momo follows nayeon's line of sight then she realizes what got her friend so tense.

"i didn't actually but she is mina's friend, so it makes sense that she's here."

she was still mina's friend? why didn't she know this? was she that close to her all this time and they never told her?

"how come i never knew that?"

"it never came up i guess."

nayeon knows that momo was lying. she could see through her. also, it was obvious from the way she downed that glass of champagne in one go.

thinking about it, nayeon can't blame any of them for hiding it from her. she couldn't blame any of them but herself.

-

the crowd started to coo at the couple happily dancing together on the center of the dance floor.

nayeon was really happy for her friends. she knew sana and mina were meant to be. they've been together since all of them were still in high school. a love like that could go through all the hardships and still prevail.

couples started to join the pair. the music changed but the engaged couple could careless as they were busy staring at each other's eyes swaying to whatever tune was on.

nayeon notices her friends on the dance floor.

momo was dancing with dahyun. expected.

chaeyoung with... tzuyu. thank god that finally happened.

jeongyeon with... is that seulgi? well that's new.

she feels like shit. of course, she's happy for her friends but it sucks to not be on the dance floor with someone too.

so, she takes another glass of champagne from the waiter that passes by and looks for the balcony.

surprisingly, there was no one there. no one out smoking, no couple making out, no one at all. and nayeon feels lonely again.

they weren't getting any younger. mina and sana took the next step and she knew that it's not that long until the others do too.

she takes a sip and sighs while placing the glass on the railing.

maybe if she did it right, she wouldn't be so sad right now.

lost in her thoughts, she doesn't notice someone joining her.

"you're here too."

nayeon knows that voice. the same voice who sang her to sleep when her finals were stressing her out. the same voice that she used as an alarm so that she'd never be late. the same voice that woke her up with kisses all over her face.

the voice she could never seem to forget.

it was jihyo. but her voice laced with bitterness.

"i... yeah i am."

saying she looked beautiful would be an understatement. she was more than that. she always has been.

nayeon knows she had no right to be there. jihyo didn't deserve seeing her in that state. she wasn't supposed to see her at all.

but seeing the woman in front of her right now, nayeon thinks about why she let her go.

-

_nayeon's phone rings. it rings again. again. and again._

_she doesn't answer. she didn't want to._

_it's been days. maybe even weeks._

_but she still felt the same. she felt like utter shit._

_why?_

_she didn't know either._

_it was all a blur._

_one day you wake up, look at the mirror and feel like it's not you you're seeing anymore._

_she doesn't know what led up to this._

_she had a good college life, a supportive family, great friends, and jihyo._

_oh god. she had jihyo._

_who was waiting for her at home. who takes care of her even if she was difficult. who stays by her side when she's felt so lost. who loves her so much._

_so why the heck was she feeling like this?_

_why was she so messed up?_

_why did she suddenly feel so unsure of everything?_

_"why?!"_

_she screams out. she doesn't even know where her feet took her. now she was kneeling and punching the sand below her._

_tears started to stream down her face. her sobs became erratic. she just wanted to feel okay again._

_she just wanted to go back to who she was. she wanted to be herself again. the nayeon that jihyo deserved._

_'cause god knows jihyo doesn't deserve her. she doesn't deserve someone who's losing herself day by day._

_then nayeon makes the worst decision of her life. she doesn't go back to her home anymore._

_nayeon doesn't go back to jihyo who was waiting for her._

-

it took time for her to compose herself. it took two years.

she was damn lucky her friends still took her back. it was hard since some weren't willing to at the first but eventually, they got back to how it was in the past.

she almost had everything back. 

except her.

nayeon never had the courage to do so. she was a coward.

she still is now. so, she takes her glass and turns around to leave jihyo be.

"leaving again?"

nayeon halts. she knew she was being an idiot. she was being selfish thinking about what she thinks is best.

'cause all these years she realized that was her biggest mistake. she didn't ask jihyo what she thought was best for them too. she concluded that on her own.

so, she turns around wanting to at least pick up a few of the small broken pieces they have.

"i'm sorry jihyo."

she hears her scoff. nayeon knows she deserves it but that doesn't make it hurt any less.

"you should be."

it was when jihyo looked right back at her, it was when she lost her ability to breathe.

all of it was coming back to her. the mess she was and how much it affected all those around her. right now, she was looking at her biggest victim.

"you didn't deserve someone like me back then. you were so amazing jihyo. the world was in the palm of your hands."

she was shocked when jihyo took the glass from her and gulped down the remaining contents.

"you have no right to tell me what i deserve and what i don't. i'm the one who gets to decide that for myself. me."

it stings 'cause it was the truth. she took that from her.

"i waited for you to go back home. i waited for weeks then it turned into months that turned into a fucking year. a year nayeon. no one knew where you were for a year."

all she could was stay silent and look down.

"i didn't know where i stood anymore. i didn't know if there was still an us. for god's sake i didn't even know if there was still a you. 'cause when someone suddenly called me telling me they saw you, i froze on the spot."

she hears the breaths jihyo takes trying to compose herself. she wanted to hold her and tell her she was sorry over and over again. but nayeon knew she couldn't.

"so i waited for you again. but you never came. and it hurt knowing you reached out to the others, but you never came back to me."

"and now 4 damn years later i see you again. i knew i was going to. i thought i was ready but it turns out i'm not. 'cause seeing you right now makes me feel like it was still 4 years ago. it makes me feel weak 'cause you still affect me."

"i'm so sorry jihyo."

"i know nayeon."

and this time it's jihyo who leaves.

nayeon stands there like a fool. not moving and having a hard time breathing. 

'cause she hates herself.

she hates that it's been 4 fucking years, but she still loves her. she still loves jihyo.

-

**Author's Note:**

> i'm a bit of a mess rn so i'm sorry if it's a little messy :D thanks so much for reading <3


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